My miracle baby turns 4..

From 1lb 5 ozs at birth to 29 pds at 4 years old.  

So my miracle boy has turned 4 years old on May 27, 2012 but we celebrated his bday today June 2, 2012.  It is hard to believe that 4 years have passed since he was born.  I cherish everyday with him and each day is more special than the last because he is truly a miracle from God.  He is wearing his 4th bday shirt proclaiming his miracle status and I love it.  Michelle, who has a micro miracle baby herself, designed this shirt and sent it to Morgan to wear on his special day and I am so appreciative that she did.

 So the party was so much fun..as u can see Morgan had cupcakes instead of cake because the guy that was going to make his fishy cake got sick so i had to grab the cupcakes instead. But Morgan loved the icing off the cc, that's all he eats anyway.  My sweet boy won't eat cake or bread so we gotta give him what he wants.  We also had hot dogs and chips and everyone was already stuffed before the cupcakes oh and I forgot about the ice cream so only the few that were left got to enjoy it.    

Next Morgan opened his presents that we had to hide from him cause he was trying to open them earlier.  As you can see he enjoyed opening presents so much that he had to make sure he had every single item out of the bag and what better way to do that than to go inside the bag and look closely.  This boy cracks me up. He got alot of neat toys and stuff that I hope he will actually play with, since he isn't big into playing with toys anyway.  I got him a slip n slide and they had a blast playing on it!

Next came water time and they had a blast playing with Sis. Rosalinda in the pool. I actually was going to skip the water but she talked me into it and i am glad she did cause they seriously had the best time ever in this little pool.  It was so cute to watch them playing with her.

Finally, they ended a fun filled day with another water activity, the slip n slide morgan got. They had so much fun on this slip n slide, and it brought back alot of memories from my childhood.  Except when i was a kid we just used plastic, we didn't have this fancy stuff.  The adults kept picking the little ones up and sliding them down the slide and Morgan laughed so hard.   He really did have a great bday and I am so happy that it turned out good for him.  He enjoyed playing with all his girl friends.  Poor boy doesn't have many boy friends they are all girls in our church.  LOL!

This is how we ended that day of water fun, me and my baby swinging while he was bundled up in his towel cause he was freezing to death. Poor baby doesn't have much meat on his bones so he is always freezing.  Overall it was a great day and I am so blessed to have my miracle boy here to celebrate another year of him
overcoming his early birth and all the challenges that he has to face.  He inspires me everyday to keep on working with him and to keep advocating for him to get him the help that he needs so that one day there will be no evidence that he was even born weighing 1lb.  It will just be his testimony and what a joyous day that will be when all he has is his story and no one can believe he was ever so small.  Thanks to everyone who came and made his day so special and thanks for loving my little man just like he is and not expecting him to be any different than they way God made him.  I love you Morgan Lee! You will always be an inspiration to me!  Love your Mother and forever advocate!

Guilty..that's what I am feeling today!

I am wrestling a lot today with feelings of guilt about leaving my boys for a week while my hubby and I fly across the world to Hawaii.  I can't sleep good because I am constantly thinking up scenarios of the; "what if's" that go along with most trips I take without my kiddos. You know the, "what if my plane goes down in water and I am devoured by sharks and my kids can't even give me a proper burial, or "what if we don't make it back and my kids are left to live a life without us"  etc..you get the idea..but this is truly bothersome to me because at times i wrestle with the question of "am I being an irresponsible parent for putting myself in a high risk situation where our lives can be taken from our boys" and I have to say at times I think the answer is yes.

Don't get me wrong, I have left my kids to go out of town with my hubby numerous times and thankfully by the grace of God we have always made it back home to them.  But for some reason this major trip of flying on 6 different planes and going across the world (for me anyway) is making me nuts.  6 different planes=6 different possible plane crashes=one stressed and worried momma!  So u ask the question, would i feel better if i took my boys with me and that is a hard one to answer because I would never want my kids lives to be taken and I would gladly give mine fore anyone of them, but having had to go through my life with out my bio dad who passed away when i was only 2, i know first hand the scars that are placed on a child's life when they lose their mother and father at young ages.  My goodness, I buried my mom when i was 36 years old and it was by far the hardest thing i have ever had to do.  And yes, life does go on and we learn to live with the pain of loss and we compensate for our loneliness and our grief turns into acceptance, but I just do not want my boys to ever have to go through life while they are young without me and my input in how they live.  No one could ever love them like i love them, NO ONE!

However, that being said, after I have my neuritic moment, I try to remember that I have to teach my boys by example and if I want them to take risk and live a care free life then I must teach them that sometimes, even when life doesn't go like we plan, we still have to trust that in the end, our life is in the hand's of our Creator.  And really it wouldn't matter if i was sitting at home playing on my computer, if God said my time is up on this earth, then i would die from a heart attack, or lightening bolt strike that came through the computer, etc.  So I freak out and I remember that if i truly believe what i have always taught my boys about life, that I must go and have a good time with my sweet hubby who went out of his way to give me the vacation of a lifetime.  And I will and God willing I will come back home to my sweet angel babies that God blessed me with and then we will go on multiple family vacations together and live our lives to the fullest because that is good, acceptable, and pleasing to God.

P.S.  But since I am a realist I will do my usual check to make sure that my kids are raised by family and kept together in the event that God did call me home..any takers?

LOL

40 and Faboulous

Well I finally found my blog! I forgot that i renamed it The Underwood Family Blog instead of Morgans miracle. Actually my hubby found it for me, I know I am crazy! Anyway, I turned 40 years old on yesterday. I cannot believe i am 40, it just doesn't seem real. Isn't amazing how fast time flies by! It seems like yesterday that i was outside swimming in my pool or at the pool Hall hanging out with friends, and then all of a sudden i am 40. I had a great bday weekend! I decided that i wanted an actual party for my big 40 because i never get a party. So we had my family and friends drop by my house in bossier for cake and ice cream and they actually brought me cards and presents. I was really surprised cause i didn't expect presents. My aunt gave me a picture of my mom when she was in 10th grade and it made me cry, I was overcomed with emotion because I was really wishing she was there with me and for her to give me that picture just made the realization that she was only there in memory and not in personm that much more real. So i cried and then moved on. I know she was looking down from heaven and she was smiling at her baby girl turning the big 40, My favorite memory of my mom was when she was sick in the hospital about a month before she passed away, I was standing at the end of her bed and she had a feeding tube down her nose and she looked at me and uttered the word "angel" I looked around and said, mom what r u talking about and she said "your an angel" I will never forget that memory as long as i can, It was indicitive of the kind of women she was, she always gave people the benefit of the doubt. I miss her so much it hurts, but i know one day i will see her smiling face again and that keeps me going. Anyways, back to my party, my hubby surprised me with the best gift ever, a trip to hawaii in May. I was not expecting that so it was quite a shock! I am so excited! I have been wanting to go to Hawaii since we got married 18 years ago. We used to take timeshare tours and they would always ask where your dream vacation would be, and i would always say, Hawaii, and then i would say, "one day I am going there". Well my dream is finally coming true, now i just have to figure out how i am going to survive 3 flights there and 3 flights back, because I hate to fly and have a severe fear of flying, but i am going to make myself do it!

Then after we finished up with cake and presents we met some friends of ours and our family at Shogun. I was so happy to have everyone with me celebrating my big 40 at Shogun. It was a blast! Then the partying continued at my church on Sunday night. When I drove into the parking lot, they had a sign in my spot that said, "slow, senior crossing' well me being the rebel that i am went and parked in another spot! Then when I got into the church I noticed that everyone was dressed in black as if they were attending a funeral. Then i was informed that i did not dress for the occasion, which was death.lol..yes my people have jokes! They did an awesome job of decorating our kitchen and my cake was off the chain, even though it did have alot of old jokes on it. Overall i have to say, it was an awesome bday weekend and I could get used to having bday parties at my old age.

So as I start a new year of officially on the downhill slope into old age, I have decided to embrace it and start doing things that I am uncomfortable with and forcing my self to enjoy life. We only have one shot in this life and we need to make the most of it and overcome our fears and the things that are holding us back from being happy! My motto is going to be "40 is the new 20"

Update on Morgan and life

So I took Morgan to the ENT Dr. yesterday, June 22, 2011 and I must say it was one of the most interesting Dr visits I have ever had with him. Morgan has never been a good Patient, because of his hyper activity and the fact that he is sick of Dr. it always makes for a very stressful event. I almost hyperventilate at the thought of taking him to the Dr. Within minutes, i always get the "boy, he is one hyper kid, you have got your hands full with him" comment. I am used to that, and totally understand it, but this Dr. shocked me with his comments. So after the grueling 10 minute evaluation, which consisted of me and donnie holding morgan down so the Dr. could exam him and morgan denouncing his displeasure by screaming in a very loud voice, the Dr. finished the exam and then he asked in a blatant voice "so, what is his story, what is wrong with his brain" After the initial shock of his statement wore off, i said..."nothing is wrong with his brain, he was 1pd when he was born and thankfully we had no brain bleeds or anything wrong with his brain, he is just extremely hyper and is like a crack baby due to the meds he was on. Then he asked again, "what is wrong with his brain, does he have Down Syndrome" well that really got me going, and i almost cried, but i held it together and my husband explained the "crack baby" theory to him again. He was actually shocked that Nothing was wrong with his brain. So he told us that Morgan needed tubes in both ears and they would schedule the surgery. The surgery is on July 25th and i can't wait to get those tubes, because i am hoping it will end his ear infection roll he is currently on. Anyways, i left there so upset that this Dr. thought my precious baby had brain damage just because he was very hyper and out of control. I told him he hasn't had a nap and it was 2pm, I'm not sure what he expected.

Anyways, I am over that and am just ready to get the surgery over with. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees how much extra meds the Anesthesiologist has to give morgan to knock him out, maybe then he will see that mogan is a true "crack baby". So after we left the office, morgan was still very fussy, which isn't unusual, but he was crying so bad, and he felt hot, so i checked his temp and of course he was running 103.9 fever. Great! Just left the dr. office and he has to wait til nighttime to get sick. Anyways, i called the ENT back and he put him on Bactrium and Prednizone BID...that is twice a day, i have to get meds down this boy...yall all know he hates meds..luckily, i got it flavored and so far he has taken them ok. YAY!

So today, my hubby and i went to eat at a Buffett, and took morgan with us. Well i went into the bathroom to change his diaper and was shocked to find that his scrotum was swollen. Yuck! Not what you wanna see! So, i called his Urologist and went by to let him look at it. He told us that Morgan may have another hernia or either fluid was building up in there. Either one seemed painful. So we have an ultrasound scheduled on Monday to find out what it is. Praying it is fluid and that he isn't going to have to have another surgery on his groin. When we got home morgan was hysterical and running around throwing fits, and when i changed his diaper he acted like it was hurting him, so i gave him motrin and he settled down. We dropped him off to spend a coupld of nights with his brother, Mack at Verlene's house, so me and Donnie could go to Baton Rouge for his Red Cross meeting in peace. I need a break from this child more than anyone could ever imagine. He is with me constantly and never leaves my side. He is like a tick on a dog..lol..and as we all know..tick bites can hurt. I love this baby boy more than anything, but i have to be honest when i say, If i don't get a break from him every now and then, i will have to check myself in Brentwood. I wish i had a video that followed me around everyday, so people could really understand how stressful a child like morgan is. Of course he is worse for me than anyone else, but i guess that doesn't help me any.

But on that note, I will try and remember that things can always be worse, and I have to count my blessings. In the Dr.'s office today, I met a lady and her 7 year old daughter, and was reminded of that saying. This young girl sat there with her mother, so sweet and cute, and then i noticed her cute embroided bag, and out of it was a long tube that i knew was a cathether. So i struck up a conversation with the mother, (I could do this because donnie had morgan in the stroller, pushing him in the hallway...lol) and I had overheard that she is graduating in December and it appeared to be in nursing, so i asked her about it, and sure enough she will be graduating from Grambling in December in Nursing and she has been going to school for 6 years, just like me. So we were talking and she started telling me about how her daughter was born with only one kidney, and no nerves on her kidney or intestines. She has has 40 surgeries in her short 7 years and has a feeding tube, cath, and had an illostomy. So we were sharing our "horrible kid stories" and i told her about morgan having MRSA in his blood and she told me that her daughter is now in Renal Failure due to contracting MRSA in a Dallas hospital. Talk about one upping me...it was as if, every bad thing that i said about morgan, she had a worse situation with her daughter. It was as if God, sent her to me, to remind me that "while I may have it rough, it could b a lot rougher" The mother has taken on the role of a hero in my mind, because, here she is with a child, who needs a miracle from God, or else probably will not live a long full life, and she is graduating Nursing School. I asked her how she did it and she said, "I just kept on going, and now i am almost thru" WoW! You have no idea how many times, i have said, I can't be a nurse, because i have morgan and he is way to hard to raise and i won't be able to put the effort i need into my nursing..excuse, after excuse as to why i can't do it. Well, i have a different outlook after talking with this lady today. If she can drive an hour everyday for 6 years, with a child as sick as hers, then i can do it too. No more excuses...i just gotta do it! Ok. I am tired of typing now. I am going to start updating my blog more, for me than anyone else cause i want to remember these things, and this is a great outlet for me..to get these feelings off my chest....have a great night everyone!

Cool. Posting from my phone. Yay

My life as of June 2011

Well, once again i forgot all about my blog so i guess i am just not the blogging type. But i finally found it and thought i would write some about the last couple of months for the underwood family. I really hope to start blogging alot more because it is a great way to document things in your life that you do not want to forget. Not sure i like this blogging site to good, so i might just use my myspace blog instead, but i can't figure out how to link either one to my FB page. Anyways, where do i begin.

Well when school was out, we headed for our first vacation of the summer, to Los Angelos California. We left morgan with verlene and took the older boys. We flew there, which was another story for another time. But overall we had a great time. We were there for 10 days and we went to Disney, Universal Studios, and California Adventures. The weather was awesome! I got my first Louis Vuitton purse..and only paid $50 bucks for them. I followed a guy to his car which was quite and experience. When we got back to get Morgan he was shocked to see us. I think he thought we were never coming back. He had this weird look on his face, then he came and hugged me so tight. I felt horrible leaving him, and i cried that whole day. I was so happy to be back home with him, but he wound up keeping me up for the next week every night because he has another ear infection. That would make the third one he had had since february.

The next mini vacation that we took was to two different places. Donnie took the older kids to washington DC and me and morgan went with my cousins and sheree to Hot Springs ar. for a couple of days. We had a great time in hot springs. Morgan did really well and he even let debbie babysit him all day and she said he was so good. Mack complained the whole time he was in DC, he sent me a text that said, "im about to blow myself up" lol..he was so tired and didn't like the fact he had to walk alot. Can't say i blame him, which is why i stayed home and didn't go. They had a good time there and saw alot of neat stuff, so i am glad they got to go.

The news for the day is that I took morgan to the ENT dr. today and he has to have tubes in both ears and he is now running a 103.9 temp. I am calling the dr. in the morning to see what i need to do to make him better. I am so upset the my peditrician wasn't concerned about his ears and thankfully his pulmo dr. wanted him to be seen by the ENT. I had a feeling he would need tubes, so i am glad we know now. I have alot more to say, but i am tired and need to go to bed. At least i now have it documented where we went for summer vacations in summer 2011..lol